(a little after 10 am) i am going to walk to a coffee shop and read a book and maybe even consider eating something sweet while im there. ill bring my journal that isnt my journal anymore because ive decided that this is my journal and that when i was journaling in my book it was combing my writing and my journaling in a way that i wasnt really writing i was journaling well instead. this makes sense to me. also you should have multiple forms of media that you engage in and that you participate in, mine are typing and writing. happy new year.
(noonish) im so sore, i climbed yesterday and the day before. mobility is in for 2023: mobility and body weight exercises. lifting weights is so out. being insane and overwhelemd all the time is still in.. maybe even more in. rambling everywhere and about everything is also in. black out writing is in. so sore. already missing days need to write more and more. i have to ta, will probably audit one of my classes so i will only be taking two. need more time to ramble and write. im debating whether to have images next to my posts, or to link to images in the post that go to a separate web page. ill probably do both. need to learn how to do the first... painted nails are in.
(11:50 pm) im drinking water, sleepy time honey tea, and suze with ice. these are all in different cups, not the same one. i often put like 10 things on my bed then wonder why i dont sleep well. dont judge me when i say i have a L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E poets book, a 1942 lifestyle/cooking book, a new translation of the new testament, dictee (a novella about language and women), airpods, bluetooth headphones, my ipad, and my laptop (as well as actual bed stuffs) this is even funnier to me because i have the smallest flattest and most singular of pillows on my bed. its case doesnt even match my sheets or my style. i dont know where the case or the pillow came from. everything else is linen and the case is definitely some kind of weird polyester blend that comes out of the washer barely wet and out of the dryer extremely dry and hot. i have no incentive to replace it. pillow cases come in pairs. i dont think pillows come in pairs but i do refuse to have mismatched pillows and refuse to either have three pillows or get rid of or store away this pillow.
(ten till 8pm) my copy of arcades project arrived yesterday. im going to try to read 10-20 pages a day so that i can finish it within 3 months. i read most of the first essay. walter benjamin is talking about many things and the advancedment of technologies. he talks about the arcades of paris being constructed of iron and glass, the first structures close to anything that could be called a home made entirely out of iron and glass. he talks about the world's fairs and their connection to commodification. he talks about photography and art. he talks about the massive panoramas that dominated these world's fairs. after reading those and sitting around and reading a really bad alt lit book, i went view the crucifixion painting at forest lawn. i think its the biggest thing ever made maybe. in there there was a small example of a panorama and a blurb and as i read the blurb i thought "theres only like ten things ever." i came home and tried to read but i had a headache because i forgot to drink caffeine today or drink water and then tried to go on a walk but the headache. random selections of the postcards i have taped up are falling. i dont know how they decided amongst themselves to fall, but they didnt try very hard. most that untaped themselves are hanging on the wall still behind another postcard.
(ten after 8 am) have been up for 2.5 hours already.. maybe. more like 1.5 hours. finished dictee. i dont know. last night i made white beans: shallots and garlic in olive oil, soaked white beans with water and better than bouillon, bay, salt and pepper, kale when beans are almost done. served with parsley, olive oil, toasted sesame sour dough (bread with seeds is in), and calabrian chili paste. this is the recipe. all recipes should kinda be like this. the only foods you should eat are foods where you can make it when the recipe is like this (excluding desserts and baked goods which require far more balance and far less instinct, or well, the instinct is less intuitive and far more difficult to acquire because you cook basically constantly but baking constantly is an actual habit and not a necessity. ive eaten many things at restaurants and thought "i could make this better easily," [how are you supposed to put a quote right in the middle of a sentence? what punctuation am i supposed to put in i dont want it outside, but that comma was not in my thought] ive rarely eaten bread and thought i could make it better) im drinking black tea. its bitter and tannic and makes my mouth feel alive.
(1:30 pm) there was only like one indie/alt lit movement from the mid 2000s to the mid 2015s i think. or atleast they all sound the same. or atleast i am drawn to all of the ones that sound the same. a culture that was established from the ground up and died on its own as everyone got older as opposed to being incoporated into the expected average online experience. i have a copy of live blog, a book by megan boyle where she at some point she started just blogging what she did every day. a reviewer describes it as "a book of daring length." it just teeters off. there is not conclusion or anything. its just her talking about everything she does every day for a while and eventually she just stops. thats fine. this makes sense to me. im typing like ive read it. ive only looked at the ending and she starts skipping a lot of days. it goes from march 2013 to august 2013. im going to read a day or two every day or two and then i wil be done by the time im planning on leaving for new york (ive already fallen behind on my arcades project plan aka have only read the first 10-20 pages not the 10-20 pages a day)
(7 till 9 pm) that anyone has ever seen my bare nails is a mistake. especially anyone i havent slept with or vice versa.. havent decided yet. avert your eyes.
(15 after 6 pm) ive had two sandwiches today: ham, butter, calabrian chili, baguette, mustard, and cheese. only the second has the last two. the second is also sitting next to me, perfectly places and mostly eaten. if someone walked into my room and saw that sandwich theyd go, someone placed this so that i may find it. it was not a mistake that it is here for me to find and whether or not i eat it is unimportant, what is important is that i saw this perfectly structured sandwich sitting on a yellow and partially cracked floral plate. this sandwich was meant to be enjoyed visually firstmost. food isnt even necessarily about eating anymore its about having a good time, and buddy, that sandwich makes me smile. these are things the person who walked in on this sandwich would say or think or communicate to me who is sitting next to it and not currently eating it. i went to a clown themed birthday party last night and was upset that many people were not taking the clowning seriously. i took it very seriously and spent much of the night making balloon animals. i sent one to my mom over text and she told me i should keep my day job. the roof of my mouth hurts from the baguette.
(9:21 am) have to prepare recitation for all of these undergrads who i dont hate except some of them need to process structures of teaching and that even in physics there arent always right answers that give you a happy little 100% on everything or whatever. only i get a little 100% on everything bc im always right and so good at everything i do. now email me at my email which if you care about me you should have, and tell me about how i am deserving of 100% and that you also give me 100%. thank you. coffee is good in the morning and after dinner and when youre working at a little coffee shop, but tea is preferred in almost any other situation.
(1:30 am) had a latte today so mediocre it ruined my life. this is only a mild exaggeration. it was warm though and i held it in my hands as i read outside and that made it fine. with it i had a chocolate croissant that was so mediocre it also ruined my life. this isnt an exaggeration at all. i asked for the latte with their house made cardamom syrup. they were advertising it as an ingredient in their cardamom london fog ("also great in our lattes and matcha!"), oh how they lied without even gritting their teeth. never going back there. cardamom is the best warm spice whatre they even doing how did they mess this up. lattes are a mistake shouldve gotten a regular flat white sprinted to my car and poured it down my back in the seat and sat there until it was the same temparature as my body and it probably wouldve been better. this was an exaggeration.