(afternoon) i had a dream that i was pulling long hairs out of the bottom of my feet. when i havent shaved and i need to pick at something i pull the slightly too long slightly too thick hair on my face. its very satisfying to pull it out. if i do it enough people can notice that i have uneven hair on my face. they can notice that i have reddened and inflamed and bothered my skin and face due to my mental instabilities. its fine though, i dont usually do it too much. in the dream the hair i was pulling out of the bottom of my feet was thick and thin and so so brown. i was pulling it out because it bothered me when i walked and it wasnt smooth against my socks and wasnt smooth against upholstery when i was barefoot. even when it was just there, because i knew it was out of place i had an compulsion to pull it out. the hairs were long, but only after being pulled out. the amount poking out of my feet was so small. they were hard to grab. i was contorting and pulling myself down because my nails were too short to grab the hair. oh weird, im writing this as if i consider myself as my head and everything else as not myself. anyway i pulled myself/my head down so that i could use my teeth to pull the hair out as my nails were too short to pull the hairs out because i also have a compulsion to bite my nails. so i was contorting myself and biting at the bottom of my feet. and when i would get one of the hairs, finally, i would pull it out all the way out. they were so so long. i did it a few time, i did it many times and then i thought that maybe i shouldnt have. the hairs were long and thick they werent coiled around in my feet they were straight. they were holding something togther inside my legs and knees and feet maybe. i didnt know i didnt know that they were important only that i couldnt handle it in the moment. satisfied i drifted off. when i came back to the hairs werent there were plastic cylinders. long hollow segmented flexible cylinders. i remembered pulling hair out but not these gaps that were left inside me. the problem is, that, after, i, realized, that, the, hairs, had, a, purpose, maybe not a purpose but that there was a reason they were there... i had already removed them and now it was too late. a gap i dont know how to fill and that i cannot is inside me. i can only crawl.
(almost evening) today matt g asked me if there was any point to my arm warmers besides fashion and i said i only owned like 3 long sleeve shirts. i actually own 4 but two are under shirts and one has massive holes in the elbows that i can only wear in casual normal situations and not ones where i need to be presentable in any capacity. my arm warmers are silk. potentially silk and linen.